


When I Was Your Man

by Purpleboocake



Series: Songbook [2]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Crying, Drinking, Heavy Angst, Lee Jihoon's Universe Factory, M/M, Mentioned Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi, Mentioned Lee Seokmin | DK, No happy ending happy endingg ayo, Songfic, lapslock, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-14 16:54:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29545443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Purpleboocake/pseuds/Purpleboocake
Summary: chan and mingyu asked jihoon to come to this bar as an excuse to get out of his house (more specifically his studio), and it worked obviously, seeing as he's staring at a wall full of expensive and cheap alcohol. but the problem was he didn't feel there, he didn't feel like himself, and he hadn't for a long time.not since seungkwan left him.orJihoon still feels terrible months after him and Seungkwan broke up.
Relationships: Boo Seungkwan & Lee Jihoon | Woozi, Boo Seungkwan/Lee Jihoon | Woozi, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Series: Songbook [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2121249
Kudos: 10





	When I Was Your Man

**Author's Note:**

> Bruno Mars - When I Was Your Man

"oh my god do you remember when he burnt the pizza?"

"how could i not? the cheese was so bad it looked like coal-"

jihoon sat and watched chan and mingyu chat about a mutual friend, who's name jihoon didn't care to remember. he swished his beer around in the can, tuning out the laughter and letting his mind wander.

this was a bad idea.

chan and mingyu asked jihoon to come to this bar as an excuse to get out of his house (more specifically his studio), and it worked obviously, seeing as he's staring at a wall full of expensive and cheap alcohol. but the problem was he didn't feel there, he didn't feel like himself, and he hadn't for a long time.

not since seungkwan left him.

it sounds so pathetic, doesn't it? its been about 4 months now, and jihoon is still hung up. he let his mind wander even more, into the forbidden territory of his memories. the odd days where seungkwan and jihoon actually spent time together, and enjoyed every second of it. not surprisingly, the alcohol didn't help, it only fueled his fantasies of getting back together and making it up to him. they call it liquid courage for a reason. however, in the back of his mind, jihoon knew none of it was possible. after all, he was the one to blame.

he snapped at seungkwan more times that he can count on his fingers for simply bringing him food while in his studio, he refused any type of skinship- even sometimes behind closed doors, and seungkwan never even complained, until that day.

* * *

"seungkwan can you stop checking on me every five minutes?! i'm fine, i'm not going to die if i don't have your mother's gimbap. now can you leave?! i was in the zone."

seungkwan very nearly dropped the plate of food as jihoon yelled. its been 2 hours since he last checked on him, and he knows jihoon hasn't eaten. his eyes started to get glossy, but he didn't make a noise as he turned on his heels to the doorway. he thought about how many times this has happened, how many times he put up with it just because he loves him, but he just couldn't take it anymore.

"no."

jihoon spun his chair around and looked at seungkwan.

"no?"

jihoon sighed.

"kwan-"

"don't 'kwan' me, hyung. i come in here day after day just to give you some food because i KNOW you don't eat and your ungrateful ass has the audacity to yell at me? i barely even see you outside of this goddamn room and you tell me to leave? what the fuck is your problem- we barely even talk, we don't go out, we don't kiss, we don't even hold hands. what the hell am i to you? i rarely get an 'i love you' out of you. are we friends? is that what we are?"

jihoon's eyes widened, seungkwan sounded (and looked) very angry, and he rarely curses.

he was starting to get scared, these types of arguments are what comes before a 'we need to break up'.

"seungkwan-"

"i'm not fucking finished. i love you, hyung. actually no- i LOVED you. i can't do this anymore. you weren't like this before, before... you actually had time for me. you were actually NICE to me. but now you're cooped up in here making songs 24/7 and living off of cola. never once did you let me listen to whatever the fuck you're making all the time, and never once did you ask me for help."

seungkwan ended his rant with tears.

he took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair, effectively calming himself down a bit.

"hyung, its just.... its just not gonna work. it's clear that you love music so much, you love it more than me and i'm always getting in the way of that. you don't have room in your heart for another love, try to deny it all you want, but it's true. i'm just gonna leave, i should've done a long time ago."

he walked out of the studio just like that, silence engulfing jihoon in an instant. the realization of what just happened kicked into his brain the moment the door clicked shut.

"s-seungkwan wait!"

jihoon was about to run after him, but the door opened again. he pleaded and begged with all his heart but all of it seemed to go over seungkwan's head, he only came in for the plate of food.

"i need to return this dish.. just forget my number."

he stuffed a piece in his mouth and left again.

"seungkwan please!"

* * *

remembering the rest was way too painful. jihoon doesn't blame seungkwan for not listening to him, hell, he himself wouldn't listen to it if he was in seungkwan's position. he felt a lone tear slip down his left cheek, wiping it off quickly as he downed another beer, now at that point of not knowing if he's tipsy or 2 seconds to passing out. he took his wallet out of his back pocket and got out a few bills to put on the table.

"m'gonna walk home 'kay?"

jihoon attempted to stand up, only to feel like he was spinning in place.

well, at least now he knows he's 2 seconds to passing out.

chan got up and steadied jihoon, being the one that drank the least out of the three.

"i should walk you home hyung, you aren't gonna make it!"

chan spoke, he should've paid more attention to how much jihoon was drinking.

jihoon hummed as a reply, and the two left mingyu by his lonesome as they walked to jihoon's house with a lot of stumbling and awkward silence, chan didn't know how to ask him how he was doing and how he could help.

-

chan and jihoon finally made it to his house, walking him up the small steps to his front door.

"hyung, are you.... okay?"

a stupid question, really. but chan's tone implied something more. 'are you okay without seungkwan?' is really what he wanted to ask. still a stupid question, but jihoon's answer might cause him to open up a little.

"m'fine, don't worry 'kay?"

an obvious lie.

but jihoon really didn't want to make the poor boy sad. chan is a bright kid, and jihoon can't dim him down in any way. even though chan knew his hyung was lying, he took his answer with a weak smile, walking back down the steps to go back to the bar. he'd rather talk with him when he's sober anyway.

jihoon opened the door (after missing the lock three times) and slammed it shut, propping himself up on it.

"so pathetic~" he singsonged out to the empty house, laughing at himself.

he's such a mess without him, he never even drank at all with him there.

'probably because you were too busy ignoring him.' his alcohol filled mind provided.

god, he messed up bad.

he let the brightest light of his life slip away, all because of music.

music....

jihoon let out an angry growl, stumbling across the living room and downstairs into his studio, nearly tripping on the last step. he turned on the led lights, his eyes focusing on the neon sign that read, 'Universe Factory'.

he never told him, but he named the studio after seungkwan.

seungkwan was his universe.

jihoon sighed at the sign and eyed the guitar on the sofa, picking it up and holding it by the neck.

"this... for you, kwannie."

he slurred, first he swung at the mixing board, seeing the little buttons fly everywhere made him smile. this is the way he gets his seungkwan back.

then, he swung at the monitors and keyboards, the loud crashing noises being the best music to his ears. he looked at the piano, thinking whether to smash it or not, but he decided against it. maybe he could serenade seungkwan once he gets back with him! he always loved piano.

instead, he decided to smash the guitar.

he swung it against the wall, barely making a dent in it.

"c'mon.."

he hit the floor a few times, and he heard a crack.

"yes!!"

then he jumped on it, finally hearing the strings make an awful twanging noise, signaling their irreversible damage.

jihoon let out a satisfied sigh. now all he had to do was call seungkwan!

wait-

he deleted his number.. he thinks he still follows him on instagram, so he checks.

he makes a noise of surprise once he finds his @, then clicks on his profile.

......

huh?

jihoon saw a picture of seungkwan with two other guys in what looked to be a bowling alley. not yet accepting that maybe seungkwan already moved on, he scrolled down to the comment section of the post.

-  
@𝗻𝗮𝘃𝘆𝗯𝗼𝗼: i wiped the FLOOR with you dorks

@𝘀𝗲𝗼𝗸𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗲: <.< fine but i want some of the candy from your necklace !!

@𝟭𝟬𝟭𝟬𝘁𝗶𝗴𝗲𝗿: me too ^^

@𝗻𝗮𝘃𝘆𝗯𝗼𝗼: you guys are lucky i love you-

@𝘀𝗲𝗼𝗸𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗲: we love you too boo <3 we should go out for ice cream for our 2nd anniversary !! it's gonna be two months already :D  
-

needless to say, jihoon sobered up quickly.

"what? but i- no, this isn't-"

jihoon stammered, looking around at the mess he created. his now sober mind angry at himself for destroying everything; both his relationship and his studio.

he stared off into space for a few minutes, then the tears started to flow.

he blew it.

seungkwan already found new love, in the form of two. but, it's what he deserved in the end, he deserved more love than he could give.

jihoon looked at the piano he saved from carnage and rested his hand on it, feeling heart sink as the keys let out a low tone.

he sniffled, and started playing a song he listened to for a while after he and seungkwan broke up, changing the lyrics slightly to fit his love- his ex-love.

i hope... i hope they buy you flowers🎵  
i hope they.. h-hold your hand🎵  
give you all their hours.. when they have a chance🎵  
take you to every party, cuz i remember how much you loved to dance🎵  
do all the things i should've done...🎵

jihoon, now shaking with sobs, struggled with the last lyrics, even though he knew it was right.

"when... when i was your man."

he whispered, now crying even harder from the cold, uninviting truth.

**Author's Note:**

> ...and then he passed out. sorry jihoon T^T this hurt to write but i thought it was interesting ! leave comments or kudos if you enjoyed <3


End file.
